dear friends,
It is with truly mixed emotions that I prepare to leave Bangladesh. But when I reflect on it, my experience of this nation always involves deeply complex emotions. It is a mixture of anger at how terrible life can be, inspiration at the joy and knowledge we are able to put in our children, fatigue at having constantly to be "on," frustration in a nation of frequent power outages, intense heat, and terrible corruption, and pride in our accomplishments. Nothing in this life is simple, especially in a place like Bangladesh. Sometimes people tell me, "oh, you must be so proud of the work you do." To them, I respond, "mostly I'm just tired all the time!" Sometimes that tired is the deep, satisfied tired at a job well done. At other times, it is the lonely tired of those who just wanna sit down and let their burdens down for a while.
You might ask where this more somber tone is coming from. Recently, I met a businessman who invited me to his office because he said he wanted to help me out with my project. So I took the time to come to his office, although I was working on next to no sleep the night before (another story for another time). Anyway, over the course of the next 5 hours, I was first tantalized by the possibility of a major donor prospect, then utterly infuriated by the fact that this man seemed simply to want to show me (a white man) off to his rich friends. I drove home that night, and hit major traffic. Breathing in exhaust fumes while I sat in the motorized taxi, I felt like screaming or breaking something with my bare hands.
When I got home, I called an American friend who is living in Bangladesh and asked, "do you ever [when you are in Bangladesh] just wanna hit somebody?" To that, she responded, "actually yeah, I feel that way right now." She went on to describe a frustration with her roommates, and I felt more at peace, realizing that is was ok to feel this way from time to time.
But enough with melancholy. I'm gonna go play some soccer with my kids before I have to say goodbye to them.
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Safe travels home, Richie! Embrace frustration. As long as it is not crippling it can be humbling, a reflection of helplessness in a reality in which there is much still to be done. Helplessness sometimes, but not hopelessness because as long as you're frustrated it shows that you still care and that, from what I know of you, is enough to inspire you to continue to try to make a difference. Dr. Aboutanos keeps telling us that it is not the gifts we bring to parts of the world, like Bangladesh, that really matters, but our presence and the impression we leave behind that do because they show that someone cares. Richie, you are amazing if only because you looked in the face of adversity and decided to do something about it. Not everyone has such inclinations. Can't wait to hear more about your experiences when you return.
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